Once More Around The Blog

Looking back at the past year it's extremely difficult for me to understand how I survived it. If 2016 was bad then 2017 was even worse. I can't tell you how many times I thought about death and that life would be better if I just exited life. I had to remind myself of all the terrible things I've endured in my life that pushed me to the edge, but were followed by being grateful I was still here. We all have demons. There is not one of us out there who hasn't struggled with depression in some capacity. You may think you're alone and the only body who feels that sorrow. I can guarantee however that you aren't alone and we all struggle in some form or another. It's just wether we're strong enough to face those difficult times and embrace them as a learning curb. I think by far the most difficult thing I had to deal with the past year was medication. Medication that I was forced to take with no one listening to me about how it actually made me feel. It ...

The hardest thing about my mental health journey has been the medication. Medication that means I will not slip further into psychosis again. When I don't take this medication my mind unravels and fractures in ways I have absolutely no contra over. The medication however makes me loose control of a lot of my bodily functions from sleep, to movement to even being severely depressed and unable to leave my house. I was on an injectable medication once a month called Invega. I can not even begin to describe how numbing the effects of this drug were on my system. It's a dopamine antagonist which means it impaired the functioning of dopamine in my body. Dopamine is something we need as part of the reward system of our brain to keep us motivated and driven. With an impairment in dopamine I woke up almost every day with a deep dark depressive mood with suicidal idealisations. I had to stop because it was literally killing me. They switched my medication to Ability a partial dopa...