Once More Around The Blog

I've noticed by large that most people are obsessed with power, regardless of the fact that they see themselves as powerful or weak. I myself see myself as someone who often presents as "weak" in a lot of situations. That's not to say I don't have an angry dominant side. I do and I think that's been very obvious to the people around me for a long time. It's also at times been very difficult to control that anger and above all I don't like being angry. But why is there this obsession with power? It's simple if you've ever been "weak" and dominated by others you can appreciate the feelings of relief it can bring to tame something powerful. When I was at a point in my life where I was completely dominated on a daily basis I really loved ocean swimming. It was like an abusive relationship that I felt I could control. There is a certain romance in not being afraid to submit to something that could very well destroy you. I've be

The more I post the more I'm able to de-compartmentalise my own cognitive dissonance. I tried very very hard to fit into a world that I just didn't have the skills to be able to endure. I was conflicted so much by what I felt, which was far more compelling than what I was told I should be doing to fit in. I don't fit and pretending was what what causing my mind to unravel. I felt like I was being beaten with a proverbial stick every time I made a movement that was not "normal". I wanted desperately to be normal so people would stop attacking me, but I just couldn't. I think the hardest thing I had to deal with was people's anger at me. I've always been of the opinion that it wasn't really me they were angry at. It was themselves that they were struggling with deep inside. They saw parts of themselves in me and like someone had brow beaten them into submission they could articulate those feelings upon me. I was tangible. What they were feeling w

The most powerful realisation that I have had in a long time, is realising what I want and what I need are two entirely different things. For a good portion of my life I have been so invested in one person. FYI not an ex. I find myself trying desperately to get this person to give me what I want and confusing it with what I need. It wasn't until I got rid of all the noise in my life did I actually realise what I was chasing. The most powerful affirmation I have had in a long time is what I want is not what I need. What I need I will never be able to get this person to give it to me ever. While I'm busy chasing that I'm not at all in fact chasing what I actually need in my life. The only person who can get what I need is myself. One of the biggest triggers to me realising this was reading "The Paradoxical Theory of Change" by Arnold Beisser, M.D. "Briefly stated, it is this:  that change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become wha