Letting Go
The most powerful realisation that I have had in a long time, is realising what I want and what I need are two entirely different things. For a good portion of my life I have been so invested in one person. FYI not an ex. I find myself trying desperately to get this person to give me what I want and confusing it with what I need. It wasn't until I got rid of all the noise in my life did I actually realise what I was chasing.
The most powerful affirmation I have had in a long time is what I want is not what I need. What I need I will never be able to get this person to give it to me ever. While I'm busy chasing that I'm not at all in fact chasing what I actually need in my life. The only person who can get what I need is myself. One of the biggest triggers to me realising this was reading "The Paradoxical Theory of Change" by Arnold Beisser, M.D.
Beisser also quoted Proust; "We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full. A statement I whole heartedly agree with. Id locked myself away for a very long time. No one else but myself alone with my trauma. It was difficult, exhausting and painful. I felt however if I didn't do this then I would be constantly feeling it bubble up to the surface at times I would have had no control over it. The pain effected me in such a way that I couldn't even express my own feelings. Once I learnt to accepted it my thoughts started to flow again.
I love writing and helping people see what it is inside them that makes them strong and full of character. With the pain though I couldn't write. I didn't know what to write. My thoughts were so clouded. It's a blessing to be able to write again and have the capacity to write logically and sensibly rather than emotively. I realised though the emotive expression had to come first so I could free that blockage causing me to be stuck in one dimension.
I know my writing resonates with people and moves them. I think that's a powerful thing. While powerful though it's often been difficult for me to harness. The more I feel comfortable to write though the more my thoughts actually make tangible sense. It was one of the things that angered me so much. The power an abuser yields over you has that effect to completely silence you. That's what abusers want, for you to be so scared you can't even talk. It's not a nice place to be but on the flip side it made me stronger to be able to overcome other obstacles.
It's such a blessing to have the gift of word return to be able to express to others that you should never ever let your struggles define you. You can build on those struggles but you should never let them keep you down and low. Helping people realise this is a joy but there were times I found it difficult to deal with the attention it brought. Now my thoughts are much clearer I find myself in a better position to share words that hopefully inspire others to find their place and rise above the difficulties they've experienced.
This is the reason I'm so keen to study sociology. The reason being is I understand that there are structural restraints people face that have nothing to do with their actual choices. You may have been dealt a really horrible hand but that doesn't mean you should give up. I want to make people realise that there is a place where the experience of hardship is valuable. I hope to be able to take my own problems and turn them into words of encouragement that help lift others up when they don't feel they even have the strength to look up.
The most powerful affirmation I have had in a long time is what I want is not what I need. What I need I will never be able to get this person to give it to me ever. While I'm busy chasing that I'm not at all in fact chasing what I actually need in my life. The only person who can get what I need is myself. One of the biggest triggers to me realising this was reading "The Paradoxical Theory of Change" by Arnold Beisser, M.D.
"Briefly stated, it is this: that change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not. Change does not take place through a coercive attempt by the individual or by another person to change him, but it does take place if one takes the time and effort to be what he is -- to be fully invested in his current positions. By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible."
(Beisser, 1970)Beisser also quoted Proust; "We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full. A statement I whole heartedly agree with. Id locked myself away for a very long time. No one else but myself alone with my trauma. It was difficult, exhausting and painful. I felt however if I didn't do this then I would be constantly feeling it bubble up to the surface at times I would have had no control over it. The pain effected me in such a way that I couldn't even express my own feelings. Once I learnt to accepted it my thoughts started to flow again.
I love writing and helping people see what it is inside them that makes them strong and full of character. With the pain though I couldn't write. I didn't know what to write. My thoughts were so clouded. It's a blessing to be able to write again and have the capacity to write logically and sensibly rather than emotively. I realised though the emotive expression had to come first so I could free that blockage causing me to be stuck in one dimension.
I know my writing resonates with people and moves them. I think that's a powerful thing. While powerful though it's often been difficult for me to harness. The more I feel comfortable to write though the more my thoughts actually make tangible sense. It was one of the things that angered me so much. The power an abuser yields over you has that effect to completely silence you. That's what abusers want, for you to be so scared you can't even talk. It's not a nice place to be but on the flip side it made me stronger to be able to overcome other obstacles.
It's such a blessing to have the gift of word return to be able to express to others that you should never ever let your struggles define you. You can build on those struggles but you should never let them keep you down and low. Helping people realise this is a joy but there were times I found it difficult to deal with the attention it brought. Now my thoughts are much clearer I find myself in a better position to share words that hopefully inspire others to find their place and rise above the difficulties they've experienced.
This is the reason I'm so keen to study sociology. The reason being is I understand that there are structural restraints people face that have nothing to do with their actual choices. You may have been dealt a really horrible hand but that doesn't mean you should give up. I want to make people realise that there is a place where the experience of hardship is valuable. I hope to be able to take my own problems and turn them into words of encouragement that help lift others up when they don't feel they even have the strength to look up.
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